What Really Broke That Day?
1.
Silence in parenting –
a spiritual stronghold in so many black families.
A stigma around sickness
A strict adherence to societal norms.
So, there they sat – silent
as the doctor – as the white doctor spelled out for me,
“H. I. V.
(pause)
Is not the same as AIDS."
She continued,
Speaking of the softness of the sickness
and not the seriousness.
Its serious was found in the silence
where they sat stern and sad and silent.
2.
Secrets between siblings –
unspoken truths in so many black families.
A struggling siblingship of specious sportsmanship.
he ran in
streaming tears from his eyes
a soft weep soundtrack for the silence of the room.
Symphony:
silence
softness
seriousness
secrets
and sickness.
The soles of his school shoes had split.
The sniggering of the doctor’s waiting room occupants had summoned his sorrow.
The silence I was to exercise around him had summoned my sorrow.
“The sickness must be a secret!” the doctor had said.
I sat there,
there they sat,
all of us
silent.
Surprised by the sibling’s intrusion of the serious.
From where I sat I could not really see the broken part of his shoe.
I contemplated.
Still contemplating…
…what really broke that day?
Was it the shoes?
Was it the seriousness?
Was it the stigma of sickness spoken with softness?
3.
Slowly making our way to the car
sibling with school shoes in hand
my father finally breaking the silence
“Are you okay?” He asked.
I remain silent.